Expectations

The season has kicked off, and I've completed my initial races. Due to illness last fall, my season's start was unpredictable. While I had planned to race at Silver Star initially, unforeseen circumstances led me to participate in the Super Tour in Alaska as my season opener. Following this, I returned home briefly for training before gearing up for the trials. Heres how it went.

My first races:

Prior to going into the weekend of the first races, I got an email from Nordiq Canada informing me that I would be starting my season with no FIS points. Over my season off they had put a freeze on my license, but because I was unable to race silver star my license unfroze and brought my points back to zero. This was super frustrating to hear and felt like just another hurdle to jump over when it was the last thing I felt like I needed. Especially when I was going into my first set of races with lots of nerves. But there was nothing I could do and I knew Nordiq Canada was fighting for me to get my points back with FIS. The first race of the season was a skate sprint. I felt the qualifier went pretty well, but without having a ton of training behind me I am struggling to be able to ski fast in the heats and keep my energy up / recover from the quali in time. But I’m sure that will come back in time and with more training. After that, we had an interval start race. I have never had to start so high up on the list. I was the 3rd person to start. The first starter was a no-show and I caught the 2ed starter within the first couple hundred meters so I skied pretty much the whole race being the first person at that point and by myself. This was nice but also hard. It was nice because I did not know how I was doing in the race so I could just do my thing. But at the same time it was hard because exactly that, I did not know how I was doing. But at the end of the day, it did not matter. I left everything I had out there. For the last race of the weekend, we had a 10 km mass start. And luckily the organizing committee moved me up a bit to start 62ed. This was still not great because I had a ton of people ahead of me and it was a super hard course to pass people with the narrow trails. But I just put my head down and passed people wherever I could. I did end up breaking a pole from someone stepping on it in the chaos of the race. But luckily I ended up getting a spare one super quick. I was pretty happy with how the mass start went. Skied through a lot of people and felt good in the race. Overall Alaska was cold, darker than I expected but I had a great time getting back to racing.

Photo Credit: One Skate Photos

Trials:
Going into trials I had no idea what to expect. I know I was not racing my best, or to the level I have been in previous years. But I did not really know how I would stand up to the rest of the Canadians with so much time passed and the field changing so much. Again the weekend started with a sprint. It did not go at all like I would have liked it to. I just had no energy for the heats after the quali. (A similar fitness problem that I had in Alaska.)  But it’s ok because I know it’ll just take me some more time to get back into racing sprints. Next, there was an Individual classic. After my races in AK I had some points and in Canada, your points put you in a seed and then they randomized it from there so I got super lucky and I was starting super close to the back. This meant that I could get splits off a lot of the racers that would be in the top 10. As I lined up to start racing I looked to my left and saw Xav Mckeever ski by me. This was perfect timing because just as I started my race he was leaving the stadium so I put in a bit of a sprint and caught him by the first climb of the course. For the first lap (of 2) I hung onto him skiing like the good old days. This was definitely hands down the best part of my weekend. After that first lap, he peeled off into the finish and I continued on to try to ski that fast again for my final lap. My goal for the race was to try a negative split. I have been struggling with pacing this season so far so I thought it was a fitting goal but when I saw Xav come through the stadium I could not let the opportunity to race with him pass. Finishing my last lap by myself I did not ski as fast and did not meet my goal of negative splitting. Not by a long shot. But I adapted and still had an amazing race that I was happy with. After finishing and hearing my coach tell me I was sitting 3rd I’ll be completely honest, I started to tear up a bit. It was super emotional for me because it showed me that I was still capable of skiing close to how I could before my injury. It was just a huge relief for me. Knowing the months of rehab I put in was worth something and that I didn’t do it for nothing. I’m still not where I want to be for my “end goal” but I’m getting closer and closer with every race. At the end of the weekend, we had a 20 km mass start. This was a fistfight of a race. I had to start 27th which was not as bad as Alaska but still not great. On the first lap, I ended up breaking another pole and did not get a replacement as quickly as I did when I was in Alaska. When I did get a new pole it was the wrong length so I skied with it for half a lap before getting a new one. But this one was the wrong length as well. So I had to change it out again to get a new one. After this, I just had to put my head down and pass as many people as I could to get to the lead group. I managed to get there just in time for the last lap. As we approached the finishing climb I set myself up as well as I could. I was still in the back of the pack and had quite a few people in front of me but I just put in the biggest sprint so I could get to the front. I created the last hill 5th and kept that to the finish. It was awesome to be on the podium with the same 5 people as the previous day. 5 of my closest friends. All people who I have grown up training, racing with and have had some role in my recovery.

The hardest part of recovery:

I don’t think it's talked about enough, but the part of the recovery that I think is the hardest is the mental side of things. It’s so hard to not be able to perform like you used to. When I am racing now I need to completely change my expectations and goals for the races. Before my surgery, I probably did not set the most healthy goals. Looking at the result sheet to determine if I hit my goal or not. Throughout this recovery, I have had to really revisit this and revise how I make my goal and what I consider a successful race. It’s been super hard for me. I’ve been working with a mental performance coach to talk about what this looks like and how to change my perception of success. I’m definitely not there yet but I’ve been working on this a lot to be able to say “That was a good race,” without having to look at the results. A skill that I did not have before, I don’t quite have yet, But that I get closer to with every race.

What is next?

I am super excited to share that I have qualified for the U23 World Championships as well as a World Cup race in Goms. So I will be leaving on the 21st of January to race the Goms World Cup before heading to Planica Slovenia for the U23 World Championships. This is going to be some tough racing for me but I look forward to pushing myself and getting back on the international stage. 

Thanks for catching up with me, chat soon. 

Tom.